sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
