Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
