And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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