Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
