My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
