Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
