I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
