If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
