Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
