have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
