If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
