My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
