i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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