In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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