what if every blade of grass was a penis?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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