Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
