i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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