oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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