I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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