Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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