So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
