I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
