How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
