Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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