I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
