I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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