Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
