i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
