I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
