I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
