Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize