We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
