I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Boobs speak an international language.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Randomize
