well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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