My girlfriend figured out who you are.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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