Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
