Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
