Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize