No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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