My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
