He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
