yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
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I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My life is pants optional.
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