i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
handjob tips. give me some.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
