He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
