Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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