you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize