i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize