ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
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I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
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You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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