I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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