dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
