On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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