So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
