420 ftw
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
