im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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