??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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