you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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