hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
