That's when you crack a 10am beer
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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